Sandy & Facebook : An interesting pair

While Facebook gets a bad name for encouraging cyber-bullying and the stealing of your privacy or pictures, it is clear that even a storm can bring out the best in people and social networking. I haven't connected with anyone yet who is able to fully comprehend the devastation and mass destruction throughout the tri-state area of Hurricane Sandy. 

The generosity and compassion of people advertising their homes for food, shelter, a hot shower, or a free outlet on Facebook is super cool. For many of us braving the storm inside, we found comfort and shelter in family or old friends. I braved the storm with long time friend Jackie Gonzalez. We reminisced about youth ministry days, mission trips to Kentucky, and things that happen over 15 years ago. We laughed just as hard as we did then! 

In some of those pictures we were looking at from service trips of the 90's, we found the face of current NY state senator David Carlucci, who back then was serving selflessly, and continues to now. Senator Carlucci has been using his Facebook page to keep Rockland residents up to date of all relief services available and other important information they need. I am proud to say "I knew him when!"

Without power or TV, Facebook was the only connection to the outside world during the storm. Old high school classmate Deidre Moran Costello who lives out of the area kept all of us disconnected people updated by posting CNN updates on her Facebook wall. For many hours, this was the only way I could tell what was going on around us. 

Others kept us laughing through the insanity. My Facebook friend humor award goes to Evan Behlivanis who kept his network rolling with hysterical theater references, jokes personifying Sandy that rocked, and the best commentating on Bloomberg press conferences around. Let's face it, we need a good laugh in times of tragedy. 

What inspired this writing today? A Facebook friend, Travis Brimner posted the following: "We need prayers and thoughtfulness BEFORE the storm not after it." Yes, this is true. The generosity and humanity being showed right now is a great way to realize just how awesome human beings are. This capacity to be extraordinary is clearly inside so many of us, and we all just need to remember that the storm didn't put it there. It was always there, being drawn out of us in moments of dire need and desperation. Even if we don't show it each day, try to remember its presence within you as often as possible, and elicit the best of others when we get back to "normal" (If there is such a thing anymore!). 

Though I hate this situation and everything related to it, I am grateful to be reminded of the reason I never give up on anything: People are truly good inside. Even if it takes devastation to bring it out, never give up on that goodness even if appears to lie dormant. Reflect this goodness and others will reflect it back to you. 

To all of those extraordinary people, and the Facebook ordinary heroes - Thank you!

The Great Outdoors

When I see many people in person with whom I am friends with on Facebook, it often comes up that I am obsessed with the view from my apartment. Several times a month you will find me posting pictures of the beautiful New York skyline. Each picture is completely different with the sky and sun often dancing in different configurations.

As the lovely Ann Margaret Lyons once commented on one of the pictures: “No two pictures are the same!” Yes, almost every morning where the sun decides to shine, from my pillow I can see it rise. I feel at times my body is almost timed  to sense the warm glow through my curtains. Some mornings, I abruptly wake up with no alarm, grab my phone, and run to the balcony. It does have a mini Christmas morning feeling as I wait to see how God has painted the sky on these special mornings.

I was never the outdoorsy type. I used to hear friends talking about going camping and think to myself. “No way, I am never doing that.” In recent years, having taken many of my students on service trips and staying in some pretty God forsaken places, I have become much more open and appreciative of the joy that can come from experiencing the natural beauty that is all around us.

When people here I live in New Jersey, natural beauty is not the first thing that comes to mind. I wish you could hear the waves of the Hudson at night that rock me to sleep, or the peace that is present right now as I type this with the balcony door open and the night sky beginning  to fall.

The first night I was in the apartment I experienced a kind of healing that I have not been able to explain or fully understand. The water has truly been a source of peace and comfort to me in moments when I most needed it. Even if it makes no noise, its simple presence is calming and centering.

If there is anything I can appreciate about getting older it is deepening appreciation for certain simple things such as this. As the unofficial start of summer begins to wind down, I am excited for warm nights on the balcony, or mornings with my book or a journal. I feel like a kid looking forward to summer if just to be able to be outside.  Who would have thought a big-haired girl from the 80’s and 90’s who would have preferred a shopping mall over nature is pretty content to just sit and listen to a river. For this, and for the opportunity to live here, I am most grateful.

Children Will Listen - Really THEY WILL!

At the age of 12 I remember going on the Camp Ramaquois Day trip to see "Into the Woods." A budding theater geek with a memory like a movie camera, I still remember hearing the character of the witch sing "Children will Listen." I would later perform this song in various venues as it held a special place in my heart. Though not a parent, the gift of being an educator is seeing children and teenagers from a detached vantage point. I love my students, and though not fully responsible for their well-being and survival, I charge myself with contributing to their understanding of themselves and the world. With the unique opportunity to teach character development and leadership through numerous lens' I often impart messages to my girls that I hope they will take with them. They are sometimes simple lessons that are obvious but sometimes go unspoken. 

While completing a leadership class for this semester, I ended my last lesson on the importance of "The Now." Trying to avoid too much cliché I focused on the observation of our attachment to the past or reliance on the future. As a teenager, learning to let and grow is a challenge. Of course one must plan for their future and lean into it with enthusiasm. (Hey, I am queen of excel spreadsheets, lists, and planners ; who am I to talk?)  The precious moments of "now" are fleeting before your eyes. This detachment from what has been or what will be is a glorious opportunity. We are invited to savor life like a good hot soup on a cold winter afternoon. 

I know we think kids don't always listen. It's true, they don't, but they do listen a whole lot more than we think they do. Don't you remember words that stung or inspired you from your childhood? They carry our messages with them wherever they go, impacting their souls beyond what even they can see. 

While perched on my couch the other night looking out at the moon reflecting off the rippling Hudson I received a quick email from a student who was in the class I mentioned above:

"Ms L! I just had a terrible day but I wanted to let you know I remembered what you told us about living in the present and not worrying about the past or future. It helped me feel so much better! Thanks for the advice!"

I am not special. I don't write this for accolades, for I see the fruit of my labor every day before my eyes. Please don't leave me a compliment, instead please PAY IT FORWARD.  I write so you know of the impact you can have on a child and see just how powerful we all are. Share your stories with kids in your life and the wisdom you have accrued. They will listen. 

In the words of the GREAT Stephen Sondheim: 

Careful the things you say

Children will listen

Careful the things you do

Children will see and learn

Children may not obey, but children will listen

Children will look to you for which way to turn

To learn what to be

Careful before you say "Listen to me"

Children will listen...

My favorite part later in the song:

Guide them but step away

Children will glisten!

"I feel sad when you're sad...I feel glad when you're glad"

I apologize for the corny Barry reference, my Mom always sang that song to me! Recently many of my students have questioned me with the likes of “Ms. L, why or HOW do you always seem so happy?” In any given moment I can be seen laughing and smiling it up in the halls of my school, with family, or friends, or yes, even alone in the car while listening to the Z100 phone tap on the way to work.  It is hard to explain the sadness/joy dichotomy to a 16 year old, but nonetheless it has caused me to sit back and reflect on this.

I think sadness gets a bad rap for the most part. It is truly one of the most misunderstood emotions. Sadness is an indicator of our capacity for joy. I am sure there is some more official scientific explanation for knowing something based on knowing its opposite. How can we know cold without hot? What would wet occur as if we did not know dry?

There is a picture taken of me at the lovely Dan and Samantha Miller wedding fest that has impacted my experience of joy and my relationship to it. It’s in my profile pictures on Facebook and is one of my favorites. At a poignant and funny moment in the wedding ceremony, I am captured looking up to the sky, laughing, and in the process of clapping my hands. By the way Millers, I have a movie like memory: It was when Dan vowed to never make Samantha watch Glee with him! In an email I saved from a comment about the picture, Dan commented: "It's the epitome of who you are in the world - uncontainable joy :)" 

I have realized in the past few weeks that my capacity for joy is directly related to my ability to let myself experience sadness. This is not the kind of sadness that paralyzes me or prevents me from going about my day. I have had the fortunate experience to have wonderful, deep, and meaningful people and experiences touch my life in ways I never expected. I am no longer afraid of the dreaded “S” word for I know that my uncontainable joy is on the other side.

I will go with humility here and defer to the great Kahlil Gibran:

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. 

Remembering Joan McNeill ~ Her gift to us was OURSELVES!

Today I honor and celebrate an incredible woman I had an opportunity to grow and work with at a most important time in my life. Joan McNeill was and is a Mother Theresa of sorts, seeing the beauty and good in each human being as if it was what God has placed her on the earth to do. A svelte, angelic woman who was a pure ball of energy, she exuded pure possibility. “No”, “can’t” or any type of excuse just didn’t live in her language. She was gentle, yet fiery, empowering to the individual, but always speaking from her ultimate stand in life: the transformation of human beings.

Just shy of 30 years old, I was given a very unique opportunity at Landmark Education (where I met Joan) to take a leadership position that would change my life. For those of you who don’t know, Landmark is a global education enterprise offering programs that enable people to live extraordinary lives. Their flagship program “The Landmark Forum” is a 3 day seminar on what it is to be a human being, at the cause of your extraordinary life at all times.

As I progressed through Landmark’s programs I became an Introduction Leader (leading introductions to people about the Landmark Forum). I somehow fell into a conversation with Boaz Gilad and Joan McNeill about becoming the team leader of the Introduction Leader Body, a group of over 200 stellar individuals who lead Introductions to the Landmark Forum all over NY, NJ, and CT.  Joan at the time was a staff member in the New York Center, as the acting registration manager, and I would be working closely with her.

It is through Joan that I truly learned to interact with the highest level of a person’s being. Someone could be occurring as a total ball of crud, and she would elicit their best selves within a few seconds. How do I know this? I was often being the ball of crud. Within a few minutes Joan would speak right through the junk to who I was. When you choose to live into the listening of another who is seeing you as you are, you have the choice literally shift your being in the moment.

Joan became a wise sage in my life wo taught me the part of Landmark’s definition of integrity that I struggled with the most. I seemed to grasp that integrity was honoring my word, doing what I said I would, on time, and communicating as soon as possible if I was not going to be able to deliver. The second part of integrity is KEY: Keeping an empowering context (conversation for possibility) present for myself and my life. This is who Joan was and still is in Spirit: an ongoing empowering context. In the face of disease, she was going to be a “YES” to life as long as she possibly could.

Upon Joan’s passing, I have been reflecting on the gifts that she gave me, and the power to dig deep and pull up this empowering context for myself and my life is the thing she has left in my soul.

I have the capacity to feel things very deeply, moving through the human experience quickly; seemingly unprotected, with little to no guard. However within hours, or sometimes a day I am once again present to the extraordinary gift of life, and the opportunity I have each day to make a difference with my students, friends, family, and the stranger I might meet in the elevator. This does not mean I don’t get angry, sad, hold grudges at times, or make mistakes. I say things I regret, make errors in judgment, like everyone else.  I am still working on Joanie’s instant turnaround time, but I know it is possible!!

When I heard of Joan’s passing, I tried to remember the last time I had seen or talked to her and I didn’t. This at first made me sad. I knew it was probably just a few years ago.  It is not the details of Joan we will remember most, but the gift she was to so many of us. Sure, I remember her “magic wand”: her precious yellow led pencil, and the way she seemed to just float through a room, brightening it within milliseconds. For those of us who had the unique opportunity to be trained by her, we will remain forever blessed.  We will remember who she was for us, and the possibility she brought forth in us. Her gift to us was ourselves, and for this we will be eternally grateful.

Today many of us will celebrate her life together. Through tears of joy, we will connect to the Spirit that was and is Joan McNeill: PURE JOY AND POSSIBLITY! 

Calling Ourselves Out!

There is a moment in your life when it occurs to you that you may be being a colossal hypocrite. You look at the words that escape from your mouth to the people you care about. "You are amazing; you can do anything!" "Life always works out exactly as it should; have faith." “There are no accidents, each person, place or experience divinely arrives at the right time."

I walk through the halls, "high-fiving"my students, coaching high school freshman to believe in their potential, and championing my friends and family to believe that all things good are on their way to them. The annoying cliché gnaws at me:  "Those who can't do; teach." 

Since I know so many absurdly inspiring leaders and champions for humanity, I am sure many of you can relate to the challenge we face every day to practice, absorb, and LIVE the truth that is uniquely ours. Well today, October 3rd, 2011 I am officially calling myself out. HYPOCRITE! LIAR PANTS! You are FULL OF IT! 

Though there is no formal "ending" to this challenge, there are however critical points of our lives where we MUST face this admitted weakness. Get your big girl/boy pants on and take yourself on my friends. This is one of those times in my life. I look around and I see beauty, inspiration, and abundance everywhere I go. My usual tendency is to look behind me, thinking this amazing stuff is for someone else just beyond me. "Who me?" "This crazy amazing life is for me? No, you shouldn't have, REALLY."

Whatever you believe in: God, the universe, source; whether you like it or not, they are ALL CONSPIRING in your favor - AND MINE. We rock. We really do. There is nothing that we honestly desire for our lives that we don't rightly deserve. 

For someone who gets as excited as I do to wake up in the morning, like any proud dork does, this is a lovely epiphany for me. Thought I have experienced before at times, it has never shaken me to my core as it does now. 

So who would like to join me? Who would like to call themselves out and look in the mirror? I am grateful for my unique deep love for the human spirit. Today I include my own in that love. Rock it out people; today and all days.

Letting go of Summer

As I awoke a little while ago on a sunny Saturday morning I was greeted with my mental to do list going a mile a minute. This shocking reality left me with a sinking feeling that summer is truly over. When you have an amazing summer full of fun, love, friendship, and personal growth it is VERY hard to let it go. It was as if time was suspended for July and August which I named my “Eat, Pray, Love” summer. I learned how to eat healthy and delicious and stick to my workout routine, prayed my heart out, and learned just a little more about love. It was a journey of discovery, excitement, peace, and healing that is one I will never forget.

 For those of you Meyers-Briggs junkies I am an “ENFP” – a lively extrovert, present to my feelings and drawing my energy from others. Though I have popped up as “J” in recent years due to the fact that I organize a giant life and lots of people, I am sticking to my original results forever! While I did spend the summer with a lot of amazing people, I spent an extraordinary amount of time (extraordinary for me) alone. So for Meyers-Briggs I was being an “I.” This essential time alone taught me so much that I am so grateful for and energized me in a new way.

When a period of time in our lives contributes to our growth exponentially, it can be very hard getting adjusted  to the period of life we are now in. Often this period of awareness and healing thrusts us into the playing field of life where we are now asked to use the skills, knowledge, and life tools we have gained during the learning process. We look around and may feel uncomfortable or scared and long for that discovery phase again.

During my “Eat, Pray, Love” summer I learned something I have been trying to learn my entire life – patience. This played out as I became patient with the scale, men, ideas to come to fruition and more. I learned how to allow myself to be pursued and that silence is sometimes good. As a natural leader, I learned the peace that comes from not  HAVING to be the leader in every area of my life.  

As I graduate into fall I am reminded of the glory of this season and how it teaches us how to be. What has thrived and blossomed will too fall away. What falls is still beautiful, vibrant, and rich in its hue. As people we cannot remain stagnant or stuck in one stage, we  must move forward. We must eat, pray, and love in new places, with new people, and have new experiences.

As I let go of summer I bid it farewell with grace and appreciation. I welcome the challenge of fall to teach me what is next, having faith that in the end it will all be perfectly imperfect.